My School is No more.

You are not allowed to laugh.

Last night I had a long call with my primary school Managing Director, we used to call him ‘Manager’, I am going to do a Vlog soon so I can pronounce for you as we used to do it.

Mr. ‘Manager’ is one of the people who have impacted my life in a very great way.

Did i tell you I read ‘Think Big’ by Ben Carson when i was in Class six? Well i did, plus so many other fictional books. I used to get time out (we would call it ‘sitting under the shade‘) for failing to hone in on the board. I remember once I put a novel on my laps, I would read non stop.

So something had to be done because of the amount of time I spent ‘under the shade’

‘Manager’ introduced the idea of reading the newspaper. I could not read any novel if I had not read all the newspapers available for that particular day. I had to write a composition for every Newspaper I read and every composition had to have vocabularies from the newspaper. That is how I got to love English as a subject of study.

Anyhoo, ‘Manager’ told me last night that My school was closed. How sad?

I am nostalgic of the good old days. When we would all convene in a classroom to watch Sarafina and Baby’s Day Out. With all the glamorous poems we recited and the conspicuous Yellow Uniform we wore.

There were hilariously bad days too. Like this time when I compromised my integrity by joining a group of girls in the kitchen. We scooped sugar and hid in our lockers. The next morning my classmate drew a huge pot with my long hand in it ‘looting’ the contents of the pot on the board. (If we went to the same school, kindly do not finish the story in my comments,lol)

But

My school is no more. How sad!?

S/He Knows ME

Did i say too much?

Ever felt like you are not on the same level with someone? Like your thoughts are on different levels? Mostly You feel like they not mature enough?

But how awesome is it when you meet your type of crazy!?

How beautiful is it when you can confide in a person without the fear of what they will think?

This morning I was texting (I am very expressive on text) a guy I want to call a friend so bad, but they have taken way too long to see it.

In MY WORLD, friendship happens when I connect with you, I open up to you and you reciprocate.

You have to agree with me that opening up is hard. It makes you feel psychologically naked and most of the time anxious.

It is actually worse when you unbosom yourself to someone and they hold back. You feel vulnerable, endangered; You want to take your words back.

For the creatives, this is where we shine. We get nimble-witted and change the story. Some will flirt, others will say its a made up story and the mind games, oh dear. I like the option: delete for everyone on Whats App. LOL,”like you will delete it in their minds, silly”

Back to my ‘friend’ this morning; John Bradshaw said that no one can lead you somewhere that they have not been.

Most of the time we open up to people who are not on the same level as we are. People who still have shadows and things they have not dealt with.

On the other hand, could be they do not trust us yet.

Choose wisely when to open up and who you open up to.

Catch you darlings later.

CIAO!!!

Teetering But Beautiful NEW Beginnings.

My New Working Station

This is the beginning.
Almost anything can happen.
This is where you find
the creation of light, a fish wriggling onto land,
the first word of Paradise Lost on an empty page.
Think of an egg, the letter A,
a woman ironing on a bare stage
as the heavy curtain rises.
This is the very beginning.

Billy‘s words are just beautiful.

Picking up from my previous post (check it out if you have not)

https://preciouscreativity.wordpress.com/2019/08/07/if-loving-well-is-hard-then-leaving-well-is-even-harder/

So, Yes; i did resign from my previous job and Yes the anxieties I had are starting to shrink.

I am lucky I got to choose my New Beginning. But all the planning in the world does not necessarily give you what you expect.

On my first day at my new job (a few days ago) I sat in my new working station and in the face of all possibilities, with a million ways to begin this new phase of my life, I got overwhelmed with emotions of where to begin, how to begin.

So later during lunch as i sat by myself having viazi karai I realized that it ain’t so bad.

I got ME.

The only constant in the middle of change. That I only have to rewrite the parts of my previous story that I have not loved. I am not in charge of every detail but seriously guys; it is easier to edit something that was already there.

Change can be arduous. Looking for a new house to call a home is strenuous especially in Mombasa town, lol. THANK YOU friends and family who helped in every small bit.

So my darling remember; while circumstances are always changing what remains the same is YOU. The version of you that you carry into the Newness of tomorrow.

I won’t be long i promise,

Bella ciao.

If loving well is hard then leaving well is even harder.

It has been quite long since I published any of my writings but here we are;

The capacity to be alone is one thing that loving well requires, but no relationship, job or organization will ever teach you that.

Then it’s only wise to say that it’s not worthy loving a relationship, job or an organization for they will not love you back.

But if that relationship, job or organization helped you find work and people worth loving then it has been good and its worth honoring.

I have been with the organization I am working at for the past one year and nine months now.

It has been great, I truly fell in love with the organization so it’s definitely not them; it is me.

For the past few months I have experienced several signs of a burnout. Mostly cynicism and lately a lot of exhaustion.

So calling it quits was not a temptation but something I have thought about for a while.

It’s the mixed feelings that make me write;the hesitation, the fear🤪 and the mild guilt.

I keep asking myself;

Am I just being impatient?Will I find something better or just as good?Who will I become once I leave?

I feel captive, I do want to leave but I feel like I will not be able to afford it and sincerely 😔, I cannot even imagine it.

I feel like I am too young to get cozy (this being my first job) and let’s be honest, these days we (millennials) no longer just want respect, security or money from our jobs. We want fulfillment, passion. We want to be able to love to work.
So I zoomed out and took a long term perspective to assess whether I had hit a short term rough patch or a long term downward slide.

You will find out my answer in the next post which I am hoping will be soon ( since I am planning to have shorter intervals between my posts🤗)

I do love who I have become in this job, I love the work and the people I have touched through the work.Enjoy and leave a comment!

Grateful

#happygirl

This is an hashtag I have used severally. Am not necessarily happy each time I use it, but deep down I always know I have no reason not to be a happy girl.

Now yesterday was my birthday, a day I always get up happy and whether I have cake (I love cake…so much) or not, I will be happy all day.

3rd Feb 2018 was a beautiful day. All day I kept thinking how much I am blest.

Lord if I am ever ungrateful, please forgive me.

Forgive me because, if it were not for you I would not be where I am, with what I have and who I am today.

Friends,

Now if you know me you know I value friendship.

I love and am grateful for all my friends, old and new.

My relatives rock, especially my cousins. Some so crazy you will love their company, others just amazing and gracious. Am grateful for you my beautiful people.

Everything excites me, including this piece.

Thank you!

Thirsty for  Christ

May the Good Lord put a thirst and hunger for His word so I may become true believer.

I have had this yearning and longing for a friend, a best friend, a mentor…someone I can talk to not daily but every second I need to. This is not possible with human friends because I cannot be with them every minute of their life…their phones need to be charged not to mention they may need airtime.

I have grown up surrounded by strict Christians ( you have no idea how strict) relatives. I am grateful for them because their prayers have helped me through alot . I never really had direct communication with a God I can call mine. I remember I have prayed not once through a relative’s …I was like “God you who helps my Aunt please help me”

As I take baby steps into having a relationship with Jesus Christ, I am so scared! Am afraid of the future…I do not know where I will take some of my kinda inevitable mistakes. At some point I feel like I should wait a little longer but the signs are so loud that “its time!” 

SLAY CLOWNS

gathoniwaweru

This is personal, and it is all I have to say about this. It is very personal. It is so because it is not supposed to be my business, but the fact that it keeps me awake at night makes it so much my business. So I say again, this piece hits more than the words I’ll use. It pierces more than the soul. It is damaging. Yes, I know, and still I will write it. If we only talk about the good, of what use are we to a society that is awoken daily by hunger for change.

I refuse to be part of this generation that no one cares for. Talks on deaf ears, applaud on fears, smiles and silence. Total silence. Nobody speaks because nobody listens. We look, shake our heads and walk away. But as I said, this is personal so I will speak. I will speak…

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Black is beautiful

Cynthia Kendy

I am a village girl. I have grown up in the remote all my life.Thanks to my parents they always ensured I went to the best of the best schools which exposed me to much and that is why I would say am flexible both to the urban and remote life.

I nicked off the village for the city about two months ago. I miss my village.The calm and quite village. Where I am always in direct touch with nature. Where we devote much to the fields and cattle. Where we eat fresh from the farm,pure and unadulterated fruits,grains,milk and milk products. I miss home.

The city life has not been bad either. Here,there is novelty in everything.It is full of glamour and is very fascinating. It’s a city that never sleeps;the rhythm is always fast. It bustles with activity,day and night. There is so much diversity to experience for…

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Aminia.

Brian

At one point in our lives, we have all fallen victim to the misleading thoughts and notions of belittlement. Believing that we are not worthy or doubting our abilities…..allowing ourselves to take residence in mental prisons restricting our brilliant minds from dreaming…believing.

Sometimes it’s the people we surround ourselves with, enemies of progress and killers of dreams….afraid to be bold and join us in the progressive movement they hold us back, they slow our pace…afraid to cut them off we allow ourselves to go down with them.

Sometimes it’s self inflicted, being anchors to our own success. A backward mindset that paints a negative picture of everything and everyone. An insecure mind that is afraid to take a route less traveled and take on the trials of life head on as they come.

I know a couple of things about such a mindset, waking up in that hospital after my…

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